My graduation ceremony is on Thursday inshallah ..
It’s a bittersweet feeling though. Yes I graduate with my Bachelors degree in Speech-Language Pathology, but I can’t do anything with my BA in the field, I have to get my Masters degree first. I have to reapply to graduate programs, inshallah the second time I apply I’ll get into a good one.
Before I switched my major to SLP, I went into college thinking I wanted to be a Physician’s Assistant. I wanted to help people and I thought it would be the best route. Plus being a PA, I’d be financially stable. I got a C in one of my Chemistry courses and I thought that I wouldn’t be accepted into a program. A friend of mine was also planning on becoming a PA and his grades were amazing. I couldn’t compete. So I decided to switch to Nursing. I got into a Nursing program and I couldn’t stand it. I slacked off, switched schools, changed majors, did extremely well, and here I am about to graduate.
My friend graduated and already got a job as a PA. Also, just recently he was offered a job at my previous college. They are starting a PA program there and want him to be part of the faculty to teach. So much success at such a young age.
I often wonder, what if I just stuck it out. What if I just worked harder and forced myself to not get grossed out whenever I saw blood or needles or any other medical related thing that I’m not able to see. Maybe I would have an actual career now. Maybe I would be able to help my family out a lot more than what I do now. Maybe I would be able to do a lot that I’m not able to do now. I do beat myself up about this at times.
But, sometimes I do remind myself that God has a plan for me. Maybe I really am supposed to be an SLP and not getting into a graduate program was part of His plan. Maybe I’ll get into an excellent graduate program the second time I apply, and excel. Then after I graduate, I’ll be able to do all I want to do.
I just have to keep reminding myself that this is all His plan.
I don’t think I’ll ever come close to the type of person I’m expected to be. I can try, but no matter the effort, there will always be something negative to point at, to pull me back down.
I keep trying though, regardless of how hurt I’ve become, I keep trying. It doesn’t seem to work.
It seems like I will never be good enough.
Wondering what the next few months will have in store for me.
Will I ever be good enough?
I don’t even know anymore. All I know is …
Goodnight.
I’m doing observations for my course. I observe Speech-Language Pathology graduate students and there’s this one girl who I love to observe. She is an amazing student clinician. Everyone can tell she’s going to be a great SLP in the future. I hope when I get into a grad program and undergraduates are observing me, they will think the same of me. I hope I gain the skills to be a competent grad student and future SLP.
INSHALLAH.
The meaning …
‘A Beautiful System’ is basically life itself. Everything in life has meaning and everything is meant to happen at its proper time. I’m realizing I have to let go, I have to understand nothing is under my control, I have to let go and embrace the beauty. I’m slowly learning that life is a beautiful system.
it seems to be engagement/wedding season again. a few people I know are getting married within the next few months, one person is actually getting married this week. i am truly happy for everyone and it’s cute to see each person referring to their significant other as their ‘husband, wife, or fiance’. it’s cute to see the surprises they each have for each other, whether material goods, their presence, or a sweet word. it’s cute to see them all fall deeper in love with one another and it’s even cuter to see them plan their wedding ceremonies and ultimately their future. i wish them all the best now, on their wedding day, and for the future <3
i know everything falls into place at the right time. i really don’t mean to complain, but i do want my day to come and a new beginning with my future husband to start.
do it for yourself.
do not depend on others to make you happy. it won’t work out exactly how you want it to be. instead, make yourself happy. you know yourself, for the most part, better than any other human being would and know exactly what makes you happy. don’t you owe it to yourself to do so?
after doing so, then others can add on bits of happiness to what you’ve already built up for yourself.
dear future hubbster,
i won’t celebrate valentine’s day, and i don’t want you to celebrate it either or do anything “super special” on the day of. i want the 365 days of the year for every year we are married to be something worth being happy about, and celebrating the happiness each day, not only on a specific day that a bazillion other people are celebrating too.
sincerely,
your future wife.
p.s. inshallah :)
Tawwakul.
Trust that Allah will do what’s best for you.
When I’m tired or just like to relax or when I’m totally zoned out, my dad will deliberately try to tickle my feet. Majority of the time he just chuckles as I jump real quick or pull my feet away.
He just did it now.
Just a thought.
Just because someone doesn’t treat you exactly as you would like them to, does not mean they don’t care about you. They do. Whether directly or indirectly, don’t make them feel as though others are in some way, shape, or form better than them because they treat you closer to your expectations. Different personalities. Different people.
I say this because from time to time I used to expect certain things from family and friends but along the way I’ve learned, I have to let go of my expectations. Someone may not treat me exactly as I would like them to, but in no way does it mean they care for me less. I hope my family and friends don’t expect perfection from me, because I truly can’t be, do, or say everything they want me to be, do, or say. I try, and that’s the best I can do. As I know they try.
p.s. i had a short break and this came to mind. back to work, toodles :)
I am just genuinely happy today. Just feeling like this brings tears to my eyes. I can’t say anything but alhamdulillah. Thank you ya Allah, thank you so much <3
almost the end of the month; close to another trial inshallah.
